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It is obviously very important, therefore, for PIRs to identify and release their resentments in a constructive way.My friend Paul told me about helping PIRs make "resentment lists." He said at first they'll say "heck no, I don't have any resentments," until they actually start listing the people and things that make them angry.
But he said he needed to face those things if he ever hoped to have a healthy relationship--sexual and otherwise--in the future.And I certainly didn't know that, as someone in a relationship with a PIR, it would have been good for me to do these Steps as well.Now I've discovered that these "relationship" Steps are a balanced, healthy way even for non-PIRs to examine their own selves and their relationships with others.They work on taking responsibility for the harm they have caused others, and acknowledge the harm that others have caused them.Ultimately, these Steps are about asking for forgiveness and forgiving others.
There is no right or wrong way to do this Step, and those who work it don't stop to try to figure out why they did what they did--they merely make a list in whatever way works best for them, trying to be as "searching and fearless" as they can be.