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The truth, however, is that how we get along with each other is a complex, multi-layered thing – just as likely to be impacted by anxious thoughts or phobias as any other aspect of life.In fact, because of both the external pressures of the expectations portrayed by modern media and the internal pressures that come with becoming close to someone else, relationships can provide a playing field for strong negative thoughts and emotions.Fear of intimacy is generally a social phobia and anxiety disorder resulting in difficulty forming close relationships with another person.The term can also refer to a scale on a psychometric test, or a type of adult in attachment theory psychology.Often the relationship seems to start out well, with an intense emotional attraction leading to a deeply felt (but in reality, superficial) connection.But, after a short time, the intimacy avoidant person starts to feel alternately trapped or bored or smothered, then starts a pattern of over-focusing on the new partner’s shortcomings and begins to disengage.The Fear of Intimacy Scale (FIS) is a 35-item self-evaluation that can determine the level of fear of intimacy that an individual has.
” – is usually confirmed or rejected pretty quickly. That reaction then reinforces the feeling that relationships and intimacy are a dangerous area and makes us more suspicious to enter into them again.
Although it can be tough, try not to take your dating partner’s fear of intimacy personally.
Instead, focus on making the person feel comfortable and helping her learn to trust you.
Vulnerability is a critical part of intimacy, but the fear of vulnerability can run deep, notes psychologist Emma Seppala in the Psychology Today article "Vulnerability, the Secret to Intimacy." A fear of appearing vulnerable is ultimately a fear of rejection.
Yet the fear can lead people to present a false front, which other people read as fake.